Living Life Again After a Crushing Loss

Shawn Doyle CSP

 

So I want you to imagine I am sitting in your living room, and I want you to look at me and hear this message—you can do this. It crushes my heart when I hear of people who have lost a loved one and are still so sad and struggling getting through their days after eight or nine years! I don’t stand in judgment—my god, what some of us have gone through.

Why does it crush my heart? Because I just feel sad that they have their life in park and are not moving forward, not living—they are just stuck. They have lost the spark of life itself. It doesn’t have to be that way. If life is short—then they have spent a decade grieving. That is such a big chunk of life that has been a blur, a sleep walking existence.
Every day the sun still rises and you can either turn and face it or hide in the dark. The sun is better for you, trust me.
Every day the sun still rises and you can either turn and face it or hide in the dark. The sun is better for you, trust me.
So how do you get started? It’s just like taking a walk—just take the first step. Here are some quick tips to help you get going:
Make a list- Make a list of some different ways you can get out and meet some people. Take that list and commit to doing one of those things each week.
Practice positive self-talk- Say to yourself- “I am getting better” and “I am going to feel happier” and “I am going to find someone who I can share my life with.”
Have criteria- Decide who the kind of person is you want to meet and describe them on paper. What they look like, what they believe, what they stand for, what their values are.
Be flexible- You don’t know what life will offer you in terms of opportunity. Be open to the possibilities.
Be honest- When people ask your story tell them the truth. If they can’t handle your story then you don’t want to be around them anyway.
Think of it as an adventure- You are going to talk to and meet some really interesting people! You can learn from every one of them. Have fun!
Do something- You will find like I did- that when you start doing things you will start to shake off the stagnation.
Buddy up- If you don’t want to go it alone socially, ask a buddy to go with you for moral support when you go to a party or some other social event. Let them be your crutch at first.
Leave the guilt- Decide to leave the guilt behind—nothing is your fault. There is nothing to feel guilty about at all. Why would you feel guilty when you are not doing anything wrong?
Try new things- Never bowled before? Go try it. Never scuba dived before? Sign up for a class.
There is no real risk- Going out there and starting to live again has no risks except that you may feel a little awkward at first. You may feel odd but no one else will know that—only you.
Do it anyway- You may really not feel like it at first, but do it anyway. You may surprise yourself and enjoy something for a change.
 

It is not easy, but you can decide to re-create a new life, a new world, a new spirit within you. I know because I did it. Because tomorrow the sun still rises, and it always will.

 

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