The Sun Still Rises: Surviving and Thriving After Grief and Loss

I've always believed in education and information. So my first step was to get an education in grief. My education in grief consisted of two main approaches 1) talking to people who have had significant loss themselves; particularly someone who lost a spouse and 2) reading books about grief and grieving. It would give me ideas and allow me to think through what I was experiencing. One of the reasons I decided to read books about grief is that I thought that maybe several other people had experienced what I had experienced, so they had ideas and ways to deal with intense grief.

My very dear friend Joe Townsend was a pilot who lost his wife and children in a plane crash many years ago. I ended up writing a book about Joe and his tragedy called The Soul Survivor. So I authored a book about Joe's experience of losing his wife and then leaned on Joe as my coach when I was grieving after losing my wife to run ideas and thoughts by him. He was very generous in spending time with me on the phone, giving me ideas, and letting me vent. He also was able to confirm that what I was thinking was “normal” and, on occasion, that I was not losing my mind. He was a great friend and his calm and cheerful demeanor was very helpful to me during that time.

So my advice is to seek out people in your social circles who may have experienced your kind of loss, because they immediately understand where you're coming from and what you are thinking. It's really nice to talk to someone who “gets it” and understands, but more importantly you feel that they understand. Seek these people out, and don't be shy to ask them for help. I found the majority of people I asked for help during my most difficult time were more than willing to help, and were so very kind.

I had help from many other people, although those people don't know that they helped me, because they came to me in the form of a book. I decided to find many titles on grief and grieving and read them, digest them, and study them. Overall I think I read over a dozen and although sometimes the books about tragedy were sad, they were useful because of the suggestions for healing they contained. I have to say that I found these books extremely helpful because they were real and relevant. So think of yourself as getting a BA in grief and grief coping skills. There is a famous axiom out there that says knowledge is power, but I don't agree with that statement. What I do agree with is the application of knowledge is power. So I recommend not only reading books on grief (please see an additional resource list in the back of this book) but also after reading through a book once, to go back and take notes and then ask yourself how you can apply this to your life. Then create an action plan for applying them as soon as possible.