The Sun Still Rises: Surviving and Thriving After Grief and Loss

Many years ago I worked for a company in South Florida. One Saturday morning I got an unexpected call from my boss and he told me that he had bad news- that John, the director of HR for our company had suddenly passed away that morning. A guy I had worked with and really enjoyed being around and admired had died. Needless to say I was in shock and spent the weekend thinking a lot about John. The atmosphere in the office on Monday was terrible and dark. Someone had laid a wreath of flowers at his office door and every time someone walked by his office they broke out in tears. The company had never experienced such a tragic loss of one of the company’s employees. That day many people talked about the loss of John. I'm not sure why any of us really were at the office that day we probably should've all just stayed home and mourned his loss. It became very clear to me that none of leaders in the company knew how to the handle sudden and inexplicable death of John. Do any of us?

Many of the readers of this blog may know that my wife passed away about 28 months ago. Since that time I have been recovering and healing from grief and loss, and have unfortunately become an expert on the topic. I have also started to notice that in America most leaders don’t know how to handle this very sensitive and difficult topic. As a leader I thought it would be helpful to give you some tips and techniques about how to handle grief and loss. What do you do?

If an employee dies:

· Meet with the people most affected first- If an employee has passed away then meet with their team first to express your condolences and let them know you are here to support them. Let them know what the next steps are going to be in the company and in terms of funeral arrangements.( if you know)

· Communication - I believe that most important step after the death of employee, is to communicate openly and honestly with all people in the organization. This is the time to show your true leadership and to show empathy and concern for all. Ideally this communication should happen in a live meeting, where the leader informs everyone what happened-and just as importantly what will now happen. If you have details of the funeral arrangements or memorial services those details should given at that time. That meeting should be short and factual, and you should express your condolences to those who are affected. Tell people it is Ok to be sad Ok to grieve and you are all going to get through it together.

· Follow-up with an e-mail summary- after the meeting follow-up with a quick e-mail summary summarizing the facts that were delivered during the meeting. Tell people that you will follow-up with more details about funeral arrangements when you have them and always of course express empathy and concern.

· Professional help- if you feel that people in your organization are extremely upset and grieving the loss it may be a good idea to bring in a team of professional counselors to help people deal with the loss on a one-on-one basis. Make rooms available for that.

If an employee has lost a loved one:

· Grievance policy- Tell them what the policy is in their situation. I think most company grievance policies border on the absurd. Many companies give one week off for the death of a spouse or child-and a few days off for the loss of a sibling or a grandparent. I don't know where those numbers came from and in my opinion this is not nearly enough for people to recover. So as a leader I recommend using a great deal of empathy and flexibility when it comes to the stupid outdated grievance policy.

· Everyone grieves differently-As their leader- have a discussion with the person who had the loss and ask them how they would like it to be handled. Do they want people to speak to them about their loss after they come back to work or do they not want it mentioned at all? It is their answer. Let them decide.

· Provide resources- if you feel as if the employee is struggling emotionally then feel free to refer them to the employee assistance program for support through their grief. It is not your place to become their counselor but to provide resources so that they can get counseling.

· Cut them some slack- just realize that when someone has lost a spouse or child it is an emotionally devastating event in their life and going back to work is the hardest thing that they have to do, because they have to go back to work and act “normal." The reality is nothing in their life from that point is normal and there are in a huge readjustment phase of their life in every way except for work. Being empathetic and supportive can make a huge difference and allow them to come back to work and adjust appropriately. Don't expect the employee to immediately go back to acting like themselves everyone’s journey through grief is different- and each journey takes different amounts of time.

So do you have a plan if this happens in your company? Don’t think it can’t- 7000 people die in the U.S. every day. Develop a plan now before it happens and be ready. When employees experience loss and grief- I am telling you it will shake your organization to the core. It is an opportunity for you to show that you truly openly and honestly care.